Building off my last post, I want to address the same idea of public repentance, but from a slightly different perspective. This one’s for those who are counseling people caught up in addiction…

If I could scream one thing from the rooftop and be heard by counselors, mentors, friends, and family members of men or women addicted to porn it would be this:

STOP TELLING PORN ADDICTS NOT TO PUBLICLY AND SPECIFICALLY REPENT OF THEIR SIN!!!!!

It wouldn’t seem like this would be something that needs to be said. But, believe it or not, some of the most common advice that porn addicts (especially preachers) receive is the same advice I received myself a decade ago:

“Don’t tell anyone that you’ve struggled with porn.”

“It’s a private sin. Repent of it privately. If you do it publicly, you’ll lose your influence.”

“When working with men, you should advise against pornography in a general, not personal, way. You shouldn’t tell them that you struggle with it, too. You’ll completely lose their respect.”

“It will ruin your ministry.”

“You’ll never preach again.”

“Shhhh.”

I listened to that advice for years. I listened when they said confessing my own struggle with porn would ruin my preaching “career.” I actually listened when they told me that it would make Christ look bad if I talked about how much He’s forgiven me! So I kept my mouth shut and became an ineffectual minister, unable to communicate the riches of God’s grace because I was afraid of how it would make me look.

But you know what? That’s some of the absolute worst, garbage advice you can offer someone struggling to get out of porn. Firstly, it puts the focus on self instead of on Christ where it belongs. It’s an effort to protect the image of the preacher, brother, father, friend who is caught in the bondage of sin. What are we doing telling people to save their pride?! When someone is getting out of sin, there is NO PLACE for self!

Secondly, it is a rare person who gets out of pornography on their own without publicly bringing their sin out into the open. When we tell people to keep their porn addiction a secret, we’re tying the bonds of sin a little tighter around that person. We’re isolating them. We’re harming their chances of getting out. It’s not the ones who keep quiet who are winning. The ones who are getting out of porn and staying out of porn are the ones who aren’t afraid to publicly confess how Christ has freed them from sin.

“But you’ll lose your ministry.”

Whose ministry is it, anyway? It’s not my ministry. It’s the Lord’s. How am I going to ruin HIS ministry by proclaiming how I’ve been forgiven and cleansed by HIS blood? People, that is the whole point!! That’s the Gospel! We are hindering the ministry of the Gospel when we encourage people to keep their pasts to themselves. When we tell people to keep their sin quiet, we make a struggling brother or sister bear their sin burden alone. And that was never God’s idea or plan. What is our ministry except to proclaim how Christ saved us from eternity in Hell and to share how others can access this same saving grace?

“Specifically talking about your own sin will turn people away from Christ.”

Will it? How many people do you know who were drawn to Christ because they looked at Christians and thought, “I want to be perfect just like that person”? Do we think it is our pristine image that saves people? We’ve lost the meaning of the Gospel.

Is God interested in protecting the image of His servants? Interesting how the Scriptures are full of examples of people being redeemed from specific sins. David the adulterer, Paul the murderer, Rahab the prostitute, Jacob the liar. Why are the pasts of these great men and women laid bare? Is it not to show that God takes flawed humans, cleanses them, and uses them for His glory? How are we furthering the ministry of Christ by pretending that we are already made perfect without Him?

Not only did Paul openly talk about his own struggles with sin, but he didn’t shy away from pointing out that others had been saved from horrendous sins as well.

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.”

1 Corinthians 6:11

Paul clearly laid out there that the church is full of people who used to be drunkards, thieves, idolaters, and more. His point is this: You were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God! That is our ministry.

One preacher I talked with recently was told by a counselor, “You don’t want the local church to know about this sin. I know how the congregations around here are. They will talk, and they will tear your ministry to shreds.” That brother continued to struggle on his own until he ultimately decided that it didn’t matter what the church did to him, he needed to bring his sin to the light. Maybe they would fire him. Maybe they would destroy his reputation. But what they did with the information was up to them. For the sake of his own soul, he needed to publicly repent and ask for their prayers.

I understand this advice was given out of concern for a brother. I understand that the people giving this advice have often seen the church react poorly to repentant sinners. But the way to change the culture of a church that gossips and tears each other to shreds is NOT to encourage people to keep their struggles to themselves. The way to change the culture is to be open about our own sin and to refrain from gossiping about others!

Never once does God tell us to keep our sins a secret. It’s the exact opposite:

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Proverbs 28:13

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

James 5:16

Here is the sad irony. It’s fear that encourages people to keep their sin quiet, but the reality is, this fear that we’ve spread is often misplaced. I’ve found that most of the time, these counselors are wrong. I’ve found that when I bring my sin to the church, I am not condemned. I am loved. I am prayed for. I am lifted up before the throne of God. I am encouraged. I am helped. I am forgiven. And I’ve seen that same thing happen when others confess their sins. Sure, there will always be those who gossip and devour others. I’ve received some nasty responses to my work with The Beaten Road. But that’s not the character of the majority in the Body of Christ.

That preacher friend of mine decided not to follow the advice his counselor gave him, and instead bravely went forward to ask the church to pray for him as he took steps to get out of a long-term addiction to pornography. It may surprise some to know that his congregation did not throw stones at him. They didn’t even fire him. They wrapped their arms around him and his family and they showed him the love of Christ. That is what most will experience when they ask the church for help.

When we tell people that it’s “unwise” to publicly confess our sins, we are the ones who are being unwise and who are getting in the way of the ministry of the Gospel. Don’t hinder the work of God by encouraging people to struggle in darkness alone.

Stay on the Beaten Road, Friends!

Joshua Richardson